I haven't blogged again in a while, it seems either I have writers block, or I feel to emotional since my return from the island. I don't want to start blogging and risk exposing myself emotionally, so I have not blogged for that reason. Who knew going home would stir up so much. I have lived in the Okanagan for over 13 years, and I have to say it is still not my true home. I don't know if it is because as we get older it is harder to make lasting friendships that matter or because it does not have my history here. I don't have the pleasure of driving to a place of my past and thinking "I remember that time...". Do you understand what I mean? Nanaimo has both of those things for me. My friends that I hold dear to my heart, and the link to my past as well. I am still torn as to what I would like, as I have said before there a lot more things to consider now. I have a life here. Stasia has a life here. And so on and so forth. Family...that is a tricky one for me. I do have some family here, but as time has gone on it has been up and down. I wish I could just be close to them, but some unforeseen force seems to keep me apart. Again this is probably my own doing, but that is how it is. I know if I went to Nanaimo I would be able to just "pop in" to my friends house and I would be welcomed with open arms always. I miss that! I know some people here that I no longer connect with for the fact that they are untrustworthy, and I miss being able to trust. I miss family. I miss my Mom ( she passed for those who don't know). Again a link that Nanaimo has for me. A connection to my Mom. Maybe this all sounds ridiculous to some, but I can't help how I feel.
Now don't get me wrong...I love my life! I am fortunate for a lot of things. My health, my partners health and my daughters health. We also have plenty of things to be happy for as a family, a house, a running vehicle, bills paid and food in the cupboards etc.... but don't we all want something we don't have. I think that we do. I think by blogging this out it helps me in my own head to think. I know what lies ahead in my future is already written, but I like to believe that if I decide something it is of my own doing. I don't know if that makes sense, but oh well it does to me. Thanks for the time.
Sunday, August 26, 2007
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1 comment:
awwwwww, i don't know why i missed this post, it didn't come up on my bloglines and i had to come and check to find it.... weird!
anyway, i hear everything you're saying and you know i understand every word.
it's hard to open up emotionally when you don't know that everyone reading has good intentions. don't forget you can always email me... but don't forget to blog some fun stuff -- like get me some good recipes on here girl!
heeeheee.
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