Sunday, August 26, 2007

Blah blah blah

I haven't blogged again in a while, it seems either I have writers block, or I feel to emotional since my return from the island. I don't want to start blogging and risk exposing myself emotionally, so I have not blogged for that reason. Who knew going home would stir up so much. I have lived in the Okanagan for over 13 years, and I have to say it is still not my true home. I don't know if it is because as we get older it is harder to make lasting friendships that matter or because it does not have my history here. I don't have the pleasure of driving to a place of my past and thinking "I remember that time...". Do you understand what I mean? Nanaimo has both of those things for me. My friends that I hold dear to my heart, and the link to my past as well. I am still torn as to what I would like, as I have said before there a lot more things to consider now. I have a life here. Stasia has a life here. And so on and so forth. Family...that is a tricky one for me. I do have some family here, but as time has gone on it has been up and down. I wish I could just be close to them, but some unforeseen force seems to keep me apart. Again this is probably my own doing, but that is how it is. I know if I went to Nanaimo I would be able to just "pop in" to my friends house and I would be welcomed with open arms always. I miss that! I know some people here that I no longer connect with for the fact that they are untrustworthy, and I miss being able to trust. I miss family. I miss my Mom ( she passed for those who don't know). Again a link that Nanaimo has for me. A connection to my Mom. Maybe this all sounds ridiculous to some, but I can't help how I feel.
Now don't get me wrong...I love my life! I am fortunate for a lot of things. My health, my partners health and my daughters health. We also have plenty of things to be happy for as a family, a house, a running vehicle, bills paid and food in the cupboards etc.... but don't we all want something we don't have. I think that we do. I think by blogging this out it helps me in my own head to think. I know what lies ahead in my future is already written, but I like to believe that if I decide something it is of my own doing. I don't know if that makes sense, but oh well it does to me. Thanks for the time.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Relaxing with mixed emotions

The trip to Nanaimo is over. It was a wonderful time. This is a pic of me and Krista together at last. It has been years since we have been together and I can say that I have missed her more than words can say. I have never had a sister, but she is definitely as close to one as I will ever get. We are alike in so many ways, and to be with her was like remembering parts of myself that were lost.

I finally got to meet the boys and Hillary. Oh my sweet Hillary...I wish I could hold you in my arms every day.

Kale is so funny. He is the most articulate boy and so polite. I just could not stop smiling and laughing at him. He is such a breath of fresh air. Just a wonderful person to be around.

Sammy...hmmm what can I say about him. Once you look into his eyes and he smiles at you, that is it your done. I was wrapped around his finger from first look. He is so wonderful.

Aden.....I still miss you! I never got to spend any time getting to know you again. Maybe next time.

We spent time at Rathtrever and it was an absolutely gorgeous day. Krista and I took lots of photos. I think between the both of us we must have taken 300 in total. It was worth it. Time flew. Everyday was like a blur...I am sad that I never had more time. I miss the island, the smell of the ocean, the ocean itself, the memories, etc...which brings me to the mixed emotion part. I would love to start packing right now and move, but we have so many commitments here. Shane has the business, well we both do really. Stasia has her friends. We have our house and really this is were we have mad a life together. On the other hand, we could just sell it all and be off. Start a new journey start a new business. I would have what I have missed for years and get to watch not only my daughter grow, but Krista's kids too. I would love to be a bigger part of their life. To be able to just pop over when I wanted. Again....sadness and happiness mixed all together.

Home is hot. It rained the whole time on the island, that is something I don't miss. It is 119 degrees right now at home. That is a big difference from rain.

We went to Playland on our way home. Five and a half hours of spinning and jerking around on rides. Fabulous absolutely wonder full. Stasias cousin Courtney joined us. I am glad. I have missed her too. There was a period of years that I missed out on her life as well, but now I am so happy that she is back in our lives. Anyway it went well, until both Courtney and myself felt like we had to puke. I could not take anymore rides. We were suppose to stay at my brothers house that night, but I really wanted to come home. I missed my hunny (shhh don't tell) and I really wanted to sleep in my own bed. It was comfy. I went right to sleep, oh after I said hi to my dogie for an hour, then I went to sleep and never woke until my hunny got me up to have a coffee with him at 7:30 this morning. It is good to be home. Oh and the house was actually clean!!!haha. So it is now around 1:00 and I have just finished showering and having coffee. I think I am going to go check the mail and relax until tomorrow. Time to go to work.

Bye for now!