Wednesday, February 11, 2009
I have no clue
It's puzzling to me how fast my emotions can change from day to day, hour to hour or even minute by minute. Is there something wrong with me? Does anyone else feel like I do? I feel embarrassed and confused. Confused more then anything. Today I am confused as to what I want, need, or even my place here on earth. Where do I fit in? Why can't I feel "normal" and what is "normal"? very, very, sad, lonely and confused today :(
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Just living day to day..
Life is good.
Over the past few weeks I have started to feel physically stronger. I joined a gym for the first time in my life. I have always wanted to, but because of low self esteem have never been brave enough to do it until now. Some days it still is hard to walk into the gym and keep my chin up. To try to not feel like I am not being sneered at or judged when I walk through, but I still go five days a week. I remind myself how good I feel when I get home and know that I did it...I faced my fear of insecurity and just got a little bit more healthy in the process. I am proud of me:)
I have also been keeping up with my healthy eating...with an occasional cheat here and there, but overall only healthy organic fresh foods go into my body. I have noticed that my mind feels better, clear. I do have to work on my emotions though very up and down. I still am not sure why that is. Even when I feel happy I can snap in a minute....
communication is still a challenge with the people around me...it will be a long process for me. I think one problem is I have always had walls built around myself and they are so high now that sometimes I cant see. I can feel my walls pretty much all the time in all that I do...I want to start to break them down and open myself up for real life, real communication, real love, etc....so as my blog post title says I am just living one day at a time....today is good
Over the past few weeks I have started to feel physically stronger. I joined a gym for the first time in my life. I have always wanted to, but because of low self esteem have never been brave enough to do it until now. Some days it still is hard to walk into the gym and keep my chin up. To try to not feel like I am not being sneered at or judged when I walk through, but I still go five days a week. I remind myself how good I feel when I get home and know that I did it...I faced my fear of insecurity and just got a little bit more healthy in the process. I am proud of me:)
I have also been keeping up with my healthy eating...with an occasional cheat here and there, but overall only healthy organic fresh foods go into my body. I have noticed that my mind feels better, clear. I do have to work on my emotions though very up and down. I still am not sure why that is. Even when I feel happy I can snap in a minute....
communication is still a challenge with the people around me...it will be a long process for me. I think one problem is I have always had walls built around myself and they are so high now that sometimes I cant see. I can feel my walls pretty much all the time in all that I do...I want to start to break them down and open myself up for real life, real communication, real love, etc....so as my blog post title says I am just living one day at a time....today is good
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